


i am the heart that you call home

by bananaquit



Category: Dead Poets Society (1989)
Genre: Bad Poetry, First Kiss, Fluff, M/M, Rated T for language, anderperry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-19
Updated: 2018-01-19
Packaged: 2019-03-06 23:25:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13421847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bananaquit/pseuds/bananaquit
Summary: Neil should’ve kissed him the night when he threw the desk set off the bridge, he knew it. His cowardice had prevented him from seizing the day then, but now, he was going to cast his regrets aside and do something. So he folded up a piece of paper, a piece of his soul, signed his name, and left his heart lying on top of Todd’s bed.





	i am the heart that you call home

**Author's Note:**

> prompt from an anon on tumblr: The boys' first love poems. Pick your fav couple? Run with that
> 
> title is from the song "engine driver" by the decemberists

Neil should’ve kissed him the night when he threw the desk set off the bridge, he knew it. The air around them was cold, but the atmosphere between them was warm, welcoming. It was the perfect moment- smiles on their faces, laughs echoing into the dark- and he’d let it slip by. It was just that it was his birthday and he didn’t want to ruin it because he didn’t have any guarantee that Todd felt the same way and he didn’t want to lose his friendship and-  
  
Well, the moment had passed. There was nothing he could do to change it now. His cowardice had prevented him from seizing the day then, but now, he was going to cast his regrets aside and _do_ something. So he folded up a piece of paper, a piece of his soul. “I’m sorry.” he wrote on the front. “I had to tell you. I hope we can still be friends.” With that, he signed his name and left his heart lying on top of Todd’s bed.

* * *

The soft, sonorous melody coming from Charlie’s sax ended abruptly as someone flung open the door to his room.

“That’s really fucking funny.” Todd spat, tossing a folded-up piece of paper onto the desk in front of him. Charlie removed his feet from where they were propped up on the desk and looked at Todd with confusion. He’d seen Todd frustrated before, but never like this, never _angry_.

“What gives?” Charlie asked, quirking a brow and picking up the piece of paper. His eyes grew wide as he read the front, then even wider as he opened it up. He gave a low whistle as he scanned the page. “I was never as good with words as you,” he read aloud.  
  
“Cut it out, Charlie. Don’t play dumb.”  
  
Charlie continued anyway. “I’m better at reading lines  
I play the parts I’m given  
I can make them come to life  
But when you speak,  
My heart beats  
So fast I am sure it will stop  
I want to give you everything  
because that is what you are  
I want to know  
what every pencil stroke  
is writing on that page  
Every single thought you never say  
is worth so much more than gold  
I want to be the one that hears them  
I want to be the one you trust  
You’re indescribable, incredible  
I could go on and on  
and I still couldn’t do you justice  
There are no metaphors that don’t fall short  
of you, your face, your voice, your eyes  
You are the most beautiful soul  
I’ve ever existed beside  
I’ve never felt this deep  
I’ve never felt this strong  
Todd, I want you to know  
That you’re the one I love.” he finished, bewildered. A few beats of silence passed. “This is the sappiest garbage I’ve ever read.” he concluded, smirking.  
  
“Knock it off.” Todd said firmly, his arms folded as he stood over Charlie.  
  
Charlie scoffed. “What, you think _I_ wrote this? You really think my poems are that bad? I’m hurt, Todd.”  
  
“I’m not just gonna be fooled by some dumb fake note, alright? Stay out of my business.”  

“Woah, woah, hang on. Why would I write this?”  
  
“Because you’re a _jackass_ and you want to fuck with my feelings.” Todd countered.

Charlie’s smirk grew wider. “So you’re saying this isn’t one-sided?”  
  
“Of course it’s one-sided! I’ve been in love with him since the moment he told me he was going to try out for the play. He’s amazing, gorgeous, brave, smart, talented, beautiful, kind, full of life, brighter than the sun-” Todd stopped himself when he realized he’d probably go on for hours if he didn’t. “-and he’s not in love with me because I’m just a worthless kid he feels sorry for.” At this point, Todd’s shoulders were heaving as he tried to catch his breath. The room went quiet.  
  
“I’m not the one who wrote this.” Charlie said finally. Todd just stared at him in disbelief. “Look.” he set his saxophone to the side, then pulled out his notebook and laid it and the note side-by-side. The handwriting clearly didn’t match up. “I’m serious. That’s Neil’s handwriting. You can go back to your room and find his notebook to compare it to if you want.” Todd’s eyes went wide when he realized that Charlie was right. Charlie looked back at Todd, whose mouth was hanging partway open, with that same shit-eating grin. “He’s _smitten_. Knoxious _so_ owes me ten bucks.” Before he’d even finished his sentence, Todd grabbed the poem and ran out the door.

* * *

Todd waited anxiously in his room for the next half hour for Neil to return from chemistry club, reading and rereading the poem over and over. Even if it was horrible and corny, he loved it. It was about him, it was for him. It was incredible. So when the doorknob turned and Neil walked in, he was on his feet immediately. Before he could regret it, he pushed a very surprised Neil up against the door and slammed their lips together, messy and uncoordinated. It lasted less than a second before Todd drew back, fearful he had done the wrong thing. Neil stood in stunned silence for a second before he let out a breathy laugh that made Todd go weak in the knees.  
  
“I take it you read my poem?” Neil asked, smiling that wonderful smile, his brown eyes shining.  
  
“Yeah,” Todd breathed, his hands gripping Neil’s green sweater and pulling them close. “It was terrible. I love you.” Then he kissed him again. They wrapped their arms around each other and kissed until there was nothing but Neil to Todd and nothing but Todd to Neil, lost in the feeling of one another’s warmth, in a poem all their own.


End file.
